A long weekend, Thursday to Sunday, with my colleagues at CRMK (CRM-Konsulterna).
The conference, the hackathon, the dinners, all social, discussions, and walking and walking and walking… and five of us, we stayed one more day to see live AIK play the first game this season here in this backside of Sweden.
It was just a normal conference with my buds. Like any conference. I’ve joined countless trips like this over at least 25 years… Wow, that’s a lot. At least to me, I think it’s a lot.
Why is this a big thing?
I have a new life.
I have to accept that this is a new life, and with all new perspectives and new abilities and disabilities.
What do I understand? When do I keep with their tempo? Will my brain interpret the tech words? Fast enough? How many naps will I need? Do I remember their names? Can I add relevantly to your ideas? How many taxis do I need to keep up with? And a hundred more questions…
Just stay home
Maybe I should just stay at home…
That’s easier, it’s safer, just accept that I got a stroke and I never can. Just live with it. Give up.
Embrace what you are.
Be glad that you’re alive. That’s it.
Damn no!! That’s not “all I can be“!
I’m NOT staying at home!
I’m just 50, this is not enough. Get out there, try it, do it!!
I’m not nervous with my kolligs – we trust each other. They know about me, and where I am now.
But I’m nervous as shit in my pants about myself.
Can I add anything value?
I have no answer, but I know a bit more now…
I walked thousand and thousand of steps. Of course, a bit slower, but I did. I never took a taxi. Check! ✅
I understand many things the speakers talk about, but definitely not everything, but I say: good enough. Checkish…
I was social, both listening and talking, with many or maybe everyone’s friends. Big Check! ✅
I joined the hackathon, and I totally “added” to our group and was part of the speakers of the team. Big Check! ✅
I did not have any naps. I’m awake! Well sometimes a bit slow… But I’m up! Checkist!
I joined at breakfast, lunch, dinner, and bars after dinners. Big Check! ✅
I’ve had both beer and wine. It’s not so important, but that’s too a part of me. Another Check ✅
Everything is a test
I’m working again on the train back to Stockholm.
I always work.
Not “work” as you think, but I always (almost) work. I write this, right now. Work. I work when I walk to the lunch restaurant. I work when I eat it. I work when we are just relaxing with a beer or maybe two. I work when I order a coffee. When I get dressed in the morning. When I go on steep stairs to my stand at the AIK game audience.
When I do everything, I have to focus and focus and focus a bit more.
So I have to test, try, and see what I can, how it works, and what doesn’t.
That’s why I try, and I work.
Why is it a dress rehearsal? It’s only to me, not to these all colleagues. They don’t try to achieve anything. And they shouldn’t!
It is to me.
I will (hope) get back to work in May. Only at 25%, start slowly, to see what I can and do, what I can add…
I’m sure all my colleagues just thought this trip was just fun and maybe substantial value to personal and company – the never heard or “dress rehearsal” in Gothenburg.
Which is good.