Accept = Hate + Love

…I hate that word.

Well, maybe I love it too.

I Accept to Fail

The word “Accept” feels exactly like “Failure“.

Accept” shows in so many ways how I have failed, how I can’t do what I was sure I should do.

I didn’t do what I planned to do. I now accept that. I hate that, it truly sucks.

That word says everything about me in only one single word.

I suck.

Accept is Lose

I wrote this more than half a year ago:

Clear Eyes.

Full Heart.

Can’t Lose.

To accept is a huge loss, to lose it after so many “try” and “hope” and “I will” and “I never quit“.

I can’t lose!! ?

No, I’m not happy about the Accept.

But my goals are now impossible to reach.

I Accept a Closure

I accept what it is, what I have, what happened to me, what I made from that.

I accept that my goals cannot be reached, and that I can now change my goals.

I’m just good enough, great will never happen.

I will never again be what I was. I hate that. But it’s Ok.

Now move on.

I Accept to Move On

I have been working my ass off for more than a year. Trying to fix my body & brain.

It’s enough. I’m done.

Well ok, I will not ignore everything, or any part of me. I keep going to the trenches to grind on with my body and my brain.

I won’t give up. Promise.

But it’s not everything I work for. I will fix what I can.

I will never accept that 16th February last year, but I accept the situation I have right now.

So ok, I know where I am, and I have peace with it.

I can now focus on today and tomorrow.

I Accept to Live My Life

Linda, my dear wife, told me a few days back:

I think you have to accept your abilities now. You have worked so hard for yourself, both your body and your brain. You have to accept that this is probably who you are now. Do what you can, and enjoy what you can!

These small words, and some scary words too, I remember them. They stick in my brain

I like this more and more. The scary word – Accept – is slowly growing in me.

I can breathe again.

Accept is Relax

It is like a physical change. What happened? So easy, but how?

I sleep better. I am ok with my body. I can focus a bit more on what I do.

I can actually move my right index finger a tiny tiny up and down, when I’m relaxed and in a good mood.

I can relax in a new way.

I f*ck will enjoy this life!

I failed this Mission.

But I accept this Life.

Accept Reliefs Me

I’m pretty awesome as I am, the way I am.

I’m awesome. That’s it.

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